Best of 7??

Apparently the NLCS is best of seven, and not best of nine like I orginally thought. Things make a lot more sense now. For example, now I understand why everybody was so glad we won last night. Also, I know see why people are so curious to see who will be starting tonight. But they should know me well enough by now to know that the answer is John Maine. He's finally had a good postseason start, and I want to ride his momentum. Also, the trade for Jeff Suppan apparently fell through - something to with waivers or something. Maybe it was waffles.
Speaking of waffles, they were super excellent this morning at Denny's. I know we're going to win tonight. Whenever I have a great breakfast at my favorite place we usually win some of the majority of the times we play baseball games against an opposing team.
Okay, I got to get back to work. Rather, start working. Game time in not too long. Since tonight will be a huge win, I plan on starting the celebration gradually. Because you can't start a party that big without easing into it. Also, I'm doing David Wright a favor and not making him do stuff for me so he can concentrate on remembering how an at-bat works. With that being said, I need any fans coming to tonight's game with tickets for field level to sneak me a few bottles of Johnny Walker Black.
Let's go Mets!

What's Going On Here?

What's up Mets fans, Willie here. I'm awesomely excited about our win tonight. We really needed it. Let's go over a few things.
First, let me congratulate Jose Valentin on executing a practiced play perfectly. When he failed to tag out the runner attempting to steal for no apparent reason besides lack of ability, he gets the Cardinals hitters to fall into his trap. The very next batter, just as expected, grounded the ball to him thinking he can’t play any D – but of course they were wrong. I personally take credit for teaching Jose this concept.

Also, I bet some of you are wondering why I didn’t put on the grand slam play tonight. I did after all have about 19 opportunities to put it on in the sixth. If you remember from earlier in the season, Tony stole the signs for this play. As any good manager would do, I’ve given up on trying to outsmart the opposing manager. Instead I’m saving my energy to do more important things. Like what you say? Well, I’m convinced Saint Louis has some sort of night life, and I’m intent on searching for as long as necessary until I find it.

So game 5 tomorrow. Tommy Glavine will not be starting, at least I don’t think. Instead I think I’m going to call up Omar and ask him to put together a trade for Jeff Suppan. This is what I call a win-win-win situation. A) Glavine gets pushed back and has his full four days of rest. B) Suppan shuts down the other team (not us!) because he’s so awesome. C) We win the game because of reason B.

That’s all for now. Let’s go Mets!

We Win! I Win! Paris Wins! That Makes it 3-0.

What’s up Mets fans, Willie hereeeeeeeeeeeeeee, NLDS champ and ready to celebrate like never before out here in LA. I got my plans all set up. Paris Hilton texted me in the fifth inning to wish me luck and told me she was ready to enjoy the victory with me and Cliffy Baseball tonight. Of course, Jeff Kent teed off on a pitch shortly thereafter and I started losing hope.

Speaking of Cliffy Baseball, I’m afraid tonight’s victory came at a price. I’m not sure Cliff will be able to be play for a while. No, his Achilles tendon his perfectly fine, but after his trip around the bases, Endy Chavez stole his left shoe and refuses to give it back. He is demanding to start every game in the NLCS, as well as a promise from me that he won’t have to vacuum for me anytime soon. I absolutely refuse to give in to such a ridiculous demand and let him out of his chores. So Cliff might not be playing for a while, either because he has no shoe or because I have to play Endy.

So it’s Saturday night, I’m in LA, and I’m ready to go. I just called up Tommy LaSorda and he’s agreed to come out with me and put the bitter feelings on hold for the night. You probably are thinking that I only would be celebrating with the whole team, but that’s not true. For example, Steve Trachel’s wife called me to tell me that she was expecting him to go home to her, but I couldn’t make myself tell her that he actually would be bailing on her to hang out with Hugh Grant. There are very few male actors worth risking a marriage on, but they all have one thing in common: Scottish accents.

Okay, so we’re back in NYC on Wednesday against either the Padres or the Cardinals. I honestly don’t want to face Mark McGwire, so I hope the Padres win. But we have so many off days, I don’t have to think about baseball responsibilities for a while. In case you need to be reminded, I’m the hottest manager in all of baseball, and this team is going all the way. Let’s go Mets!

In Controller

What’s up Mets fans, Willie here, up 1-0 in the NLDS. It was a great game today. I was able to get a lot out of John Maine. Question: why did I take him out in the fifth? Answer: Somebody has to pitch games 3, 4 and 5.

So you may be wondering how on Earth Paul LoDuca turned a double play all by himself. Let me tell you what I think perspired. John Maine makes a bad pitch and as expected the ball is hit quite far. Then Grady Little, as excited as a kid in a Subway shop, accidentally hit the send all runners button on his Xbox controller. As we all know, this almost always spells disaster. For all of you who may not be familiar with the Xbox controller, it is essentially a mind control device designed by and named after a former Met named Xavier. I’m not an astrophysicist, but it essentially gives the manager control over his players. Now, since I’m old school, I don’t use such things, and I certainly don’t need one.

Speaking of making players do what you want, let’s talk about Mr. Mota’s at-bat. As an equal opportunity manager who lets players with last names starting with any letter of the alphabet hit Grand Slams, I sent Guillermo up there, put on the usual signs for the GS play, sat back and poured myself a Hennessey and Diet Pepsi. What I saw next was unfortunately not what I expected. No need to get upset though – I plan on giving him a chance to redeem himself in the near future.

That’s all for now, Mets fans. I really, really hope we win tomorrow. This way we can forfeit the two games in LA, have an awesome weekend in NYC, then play on Monday and get the needed third win. Think about how cost effective that would be. And then we could use that money replace the bat boys with robots. That would tremendous. Good night and lets go Mets!!

WillieTime - October Style

Hey Mets fans, Willie here, the new Willie, Willie 2.0, PLAYOFF time Willie. I’m feeling great. Actually, that’s not true. It’s the night before the first playoff game and I can’t fall asleep. I’m so nervous. Are we wearing the pinstripe uniforms tomorrow?? Or did Julio say the all white ones? I got to know which set to tell David to bring to the game tomorrow. I hope he had them dry cleaned like I told him to.

So this is what we’ve been waiting for. I think we got a good first round match up with the Lakers. I’ve got it all figured out. Jose Reyes will run the point, Carlos Delgado at the 2 guard, Carlos cool as Geltran as the small forward, and finally, Endy as the big man down low. Also, David Wright will be cheerleading. This postseason stuff is tricky, but I’ve put the work in and am excited to see my product out on the field tomorrow. Oh, and notice how I only listed four players. That’s because I’m saving everybody else to pitch in NLCS. Jose Valentin can only throw every other game, so that leaves some spots to be filled. Given the way my pitchers are dropping like flies these days, I’ve got to have as many people ready to go as possible. But that’s too much thinking ahead.

Let me tell you why El Duque hurt himself. One word: monkey in the middle. Yeah, it’s not that nice. Sure it makes people feel bad. But hey, I enjoyed it. So basically during our workout Monday I decided it would boost team moral if we all played monkey in the middle with Orlando’s glove instead of practicing the squeeze play (something we didn’t do all season long). Somewhere in between his sprint from almost getting the glove from Sandy Alomar to laying out to try to pick off my throw, El Duque tripped and hurt his calf. Oh well.

One a final note, I discovered that Willie Wonka had been impersonating me during our not so great stretch at the end of the season. You have nothing to worry about, I’ve recently had Tony Soprano fix that problem for me. (And he did for it for nothing in return!).

Anyway, big day tomorrow. I promise an update after every game, so keep checking back. Let’s go Mets!