Willie's World

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Wally F*(#in! Backman?!!!? Really?

What's up Mets Fans, Willie here, you're soon to be manager again (hopefully). I say soon to be because my first round interview with Sandy Alderson went really well. You may not have read about me being interviewed in the first place, but that's because I didn't interview in Orlando like all the other "candidates." No, Sandy Alderson The Great knew that interviewing me along side everybody else might upset a few people - namely all the New Yorkers I defriended on facebook circa 2008.

So how do I know the interview went well? Because, simply, I am genius. The interview took place in northern New Jersey at a local Denny's. I invited Sandy to a delicious breakfast to talk about my future as Mets manager. Key to winning my job back #1: Have the interview on my turf. There's no place I know better than my local Denny's. I felt so comfortable I didn't bother changing out of my pajamas. Key to winning my job back #2: Order Sandy a Grand Slam. Nothing sets the tone of winning like a Grand Slam. In my glory days I ordered up over a dozen of these over the course of a single season. How many Grand Slams did the Mets hit after I left? Exactly. The Grand Slam, along with the perfect double switch and toasted Subway footlong, was one of my signature moves. Anyway, Sandy loved the bacon and sausage and told me he saw me in the Mets future.
This brings me to my next point: why are the Mets interviewing Wally Backman a second time? Let's compare Wally's resume with mine.

Wally: fired after 4 days from the Dbacks.
Me: fired from Denny's after 5 days for insisting customers order with hand signals and use the proper indicator.
Winner: ME.

Wally: Arrested twice and has financial problems.
Me: Never been arrested in non-Mexican countries. Financial problems? Talk to my accountant, David Wright.
Winner. ME.

Wally: Argues with opposing team's radio announcer in press box during games.
Me: Fills out lineup card to have Jose Reyes be opposing team's radio announcer. Ergo, no arguments and a perfectly symmetrical defense of 3 outfielders and 3 infielders.
Winner: ME.

Willy fans, I almost back! Get ready and check back soon for Willie Time 7.


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