About Time!

What's up Met fans, Willie here again, after we finally lived up to my constant sweep predictions. (I've had a couple of celebratory shots of 151 so please excuse any typos in this post). After the game, I went to Atlanta manager Booby, oops I mean Bobby, Cox and suggested that he rename the team the Atlanta Bitches, because that's basically we made them. Thanks especially to the leadership and offense of Carlos Cool as Geltran, and the pitching of El Duque "Orlando" Hernandez and Billy "Nickname" Wagner, we swept the Braves for the first time since we've had all 45 states.

I've also realized that with our ridiculous lead, our season until the playoffs is going to be kind of boring. So to keep things fresh, I've decided that we're gonna play a new type of game I invented, called a "drinking game". The rules are simple, whenever a pitch is thrown, everyone on the bench has to take a drink. What's especially fun is that there will be themes. Each pitcher will have his own assigned drink theme. For example, Gin for Glavine, Tequila for Trachsel, Mojitos for Maine, and so on. I anticipate good things.

A lot of people have been following the rumor mill about trades, me especially. The trade of Carlos Lee to the Rangers was huge, because he was on my main rival's fantasy team, and since it's an NL-only league, he's screwed and has to drop Lee!!! The path to victory is clear for the Willie Wonkers, the number 1 fantasy team in the world. Anyway, many of you are probably curious to know what suggestions I've made to Omar regarding trades (I hope you all remember how I suggested we trade for El Duque long before it became a reality, so it's clear Omar listens to me). I told Omar I think we need three things: a starting pitcher, another bullpen arm, and a guy who can tell dirty jokes on the bench. Ideally, we'll be able to find a guy who can be all three for us, but it's tough. A lot of fans have been clamoring for Barry Zito, but I just don't think it's going to happen. Here's a transcript of a recent conversation Omar and I had regarding it:

OMAR: Hey, Willie, I've been talking to Billy Beane about a trade for Barry Zito. As it is right now, we'd have to give up Lastings Milledge and Aaron Heilman. But I think if I hold out I'll be able to pull it off even up for Milledge. The best thing is that even if Zito leaves, although there's no reason he would, but just in case, we'll get 2 first round draft picks. And besides that, putting him in our rotation pretty much guarantees us a spot in the World Series and a good chance of winning it all.
ME: No way will I allow you to trade Lastings Milledge under any scenario! The only person I would trade Lastings Milledge for is Lastings Milledge, and even then I'd want another player thrown in.
OMAR: What are you talking about? Listen, I really think Zito for Milledge is a great deal.
ME: No, you listen! You have a history of overpaying so listen to me. If you recall, I suggested you trade Wright, Milledge and Pelfrey for El Duque, but instead you overpaid and gave up probably the best pitcher in baseball, Jorge Julio.
OMAR: I don't even know how to respond to that, especially since you just so vehemently refused to trade Milledge.
ME: Whenever I run out of things to say, I just say "Eat Fresh" or "How about them Yankees?".
OMAR: I'm leaving.
ME: Later! Eat Fresh!

As you can see, Omar really is a bit lost out there, but fortunately he has yours truly watching his back. I've been trying to reach Omar recently to give him my trade ideas, but I can't seem to get ahold of him, so what I've done is left him a bunch of voicemails, here's what I've proposed:

1. We trade Carlos Beltran, David Wright, Jose Reyes and Duaner Sanchez to the Yankees for Alex Rodriguez and Carl Pavano. Yeah I know what you're thinking. There's no way the Yankees give us ARod and Pavano for that weak offer. I know, I'm sure we'll have to throw in Heilman and John Maine too, but that's part of the negotiation. Getting ARod and Pavano would give us a dominant ace and a great shortstop; ARod has a mean curveball and I know Pavano's range at short is ridiculous and he also wields a mean bat. The more I think about this deal, the more I like it. But I fear Brian Cashman and George won't be tricked by our lowball offer.

2. We trade Pedro Martinez, Billy Wagner and cash to ESPN for Harold Reynolds. This deal will allow us to spell Jose Valentin at second base with a surefire hall-of-famer, and will also allow me and Harold to go hit on fly honeys at Outback Steakhouse every weeknight. This is what you call a "no-brainer".

3. We trade Jose Valentin to the St. Louis Cardinals for Albert Pujols and Chris Carpenter. Yeah I know, we're getting screwed in this deal. There really is no equivalent player for Jose Valentin. Who else do you know who can play all eleven positions on the field simultaneously? To make it fair, we might end up asking for their top prospect, pitcher Anthony Reyes, and maybe even for their stadium too. It'll save us the trouble of building our own.

Okay Met fans, it's off to Florida for some fun in the sun, and maybe even a ballgame or two. Let's go Mets!