Willie's World

Friday, July 21, 2006

It's Greek to Me

What’s up Mets fans, Willie here again. I just got back to NYC after finishing up our series with the Reds this afternoon. Luckily there were no major travel problems this time, as our travel secretary has fully recovered and is back on the job. Although, there was a small delay leaving for the airport when Javier Valentin tried to impersonate his brother and board the team bus. Can you blame a guy for wanting to play on my team?

Anyway, let’s talk some baseball. I was pretty pleased with this series, mainly because we started it off with yet another good execution of the grand slam play. I might take it easy with that play for a while and work on some new plays now that I know we’ve got it down. We did a good job getting the W today in extra innings to take the series, which is satisfactory. In case you think I’m coming across as complacent by not expecting the sweep, let me say that there was nothing we could do on Wednesday. The rain messed us up. Not our fault. End of story. Look, when Aphrodite (Greek Goddess of Water) and Ares (Greek God of Momentum) are pissed off and team up against you, there’s absolutely nothing you can do.

There’s one more order of business tonight, Mets fans, and that of course is the dream interpretation I promised you last time. First comes the dream, then the explanation. So I’m at this house party in the Jersey suburbs relaxing in the backyard and I’m wearing an orange polo. Then my crew shows up, all wearing the orange polos, but half us are rocking the popped collar, half aren't. On top of that, they all show up together, but in a sled (kinda like Santa’s, but this one goes by itself and hovers off the ground a little.) Also, the alcohol at this place is served in Arizona Iced Tea cans. So everything is going along when a game of wiffleball breaks out. The only thing that makes this game different is that you have to alternate every pitch which side of the plate you hit from. The last thing is that during this game, there is a 3 piece band that plays music unique to the play that is happening during that play. So for example, as a curveball is being delivered certain music plays, but when a fastball or homerball is thrown, different music plays. But there’s also specific music for, say, a ground out to first, a tailor made double play and so on. I think you get it. This is the point where I wake up to the noise of Endy Chavez tripping and falling while bringing me pancakes and bacon.

Here’s what this means for the rest of the season. First, me and guys should hang out more, since the orange polos were a sign of the team uniform. At the same time, we should make an effort to differentiate ourselves, as the popping of collars suggests. This, obviously, means that on any given game day half the team will now being wearing the blue Mets cap, while the other half will either wear the black or black and blue caps. I see this as critical in accomplishing my goal of maintaining a healthy clubhouse in which everyone feels they are an individual yet part of the team.

So we have to do more stuff together (even though we do already quite often – from all the drinking, to shagging fly balls and giving them away to Mets fans who have come out on the road to show their support for me by drinking when I can’t be). But then there is the magical sled, and the dream indicates we need a new set of wheels. Accordingly, I’ve signed David Wright’s car up for MTV’s Pimp My Ride.

Now to the wiffleball game. Sometime during this series with the Astros, I will instruct all of my hitters, not just the switch hitters, to alternate which side of the plate they are hitting on every TWO pitches. I bet you thought I was going to say every pitch just like in my dream. This is where Willy genius kicks in. Not all things are obvious in this game, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one. Nonetheless, this move will single-handedly undo twenty years of the evolution of the concept some call the bullpen.

Then there’s the music. This part is easy. Either me, Sandy Alomar or Julio Franco will now stand on the top step of the dugout with a Ukulele and play certain tunes for certain pitches or plays. This will allow my players to stop relaying so much on their “instincts” and instead on my ESP.

Finally, if I’ve been right so far, I see Lastings coming back up in late August and helping us tremendously when Endy goes down with a vacuuming, I mean, umm…baseball related injury.

Whew. And that’s everything. If you’ve read it this far, you’re a loyal follower. Good night and go Mets!


  • At 11:04 AM, Anonymous Willie Fanatic #1 said…

    Willie, you are a true genius. I think the batting from alternate sides idea is great. only a true visionary like you could have thought of it.

    i am so glad we have you!

  • At 11:05 AM, Anonymous Endy Chavez said…

    Senor Willie. Pleaze do not talk about the vacuum. It is embarassing to me. I am a mlb player! conio!

  • At 4:35 PM, Anonymous George Steinbrenner said…

    Hey Willie give me that Endy Chavez guy and I'll hire you back when this whole Mets thing peters out...don't do it and I'll trade you for a bag of balls and some New England clam chowder. I sure do love that soup. Is chowder soup? Nevermind Willie just arrange that Chavez deal. I expect your answer by morning.


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