Willie Break Update

What’s up Mets fans, Willie here. As you know it’s the Willie break (some people substitute All-Star for Willie, and that's okay since they're synonyms), so I’m taking a little time off here at home in beautiful Bergen County. I haven’t stopped thinking about baseball altogether though. I’ve come up with a list detailing the team’s progress for the first half of the season and improvements to look for in the second half.

Things Not to Change:

1. My mix of playing my bench and all-stars. The amazing production I’ve gotten out of Valentin is something I will not let stop. I’ve done a brilliant job of knowing which players to use so far, and look for my genius to continue to shine through when I fill out the lineup card.

2. My calling of practiced plays. Look for me to keep calling for the have LoDuca spike the ball play, the have Endy double down the left field line past a diving outfielder play, and of course the Grand Slam play (we’re gonna get this one right next time. No more having David bring me Denny’s or accidental calling of it when the opposing pitcher is batting).

3. My fantasy team rocking. I can’t be stopped. Enough said.

4. The use of rock, paper, scissors to settle important disagreements in the clubhouse, in addition to using spin the bottle to pick my starting pitcher.

Bad Things That Need Not Happen Again:

5. First on my list of the season’s low points is of course all the events involving Angel Hernandez. Hopefully with his engagement to the Philly Fanatic he’s become a real man and is ready to put Lola behind us.

6. Tug of War. A once brilliant idea of mine, now the cause of my ace’s injury, I’ve learned my lesson. I’ve banned it from the dugout and decided that rock, paper, scissors will be used more often.

7. Bad pitches: The Appendectomy Ball, The Tuna Ball, and The Homerball. Hopefully there won’t be any more filthy balls through at my player’s useless organs, Rick Peterson and Tim Mcclelland won’t have any more run-ins, and nobody infringes on Lima Time patent protection.

Things to Look For:

8. The answer to the burning question of who it was that told the Mets about this blog. While David Wright has long been a suspect, I’m told Pedro has made some progress during his time off but can’t give me an answer just yet.

9. A system to reward my team’s performance. Now that the division race is over, I’ll be rewarding my team in a yet to be disclosed system. I will tell you this though: it involves points, bonus points, cookies, slumber parties and pillow fights for sure.

10. The addition of a personal assistant/protégé for my amusement, I mean, to help me be a better manager. My crew, especially David and Cliffy Baseball, do a tremendous job, but I need somebody in an official position. This way they’re on the Mets payroll, not mine. As a result, I won’t have to sell the managerial rights away, and my crew and I can go on all of our fun adventures.

Okay Mets fans, that’s all for now. Time for some more relaxation before Chicago this Friday. Look for a fresh manager and an improved squad out there. Aside from the changes I’ve mentioned, look for Paul LoDuca to start. After I saw him shut down David Wright last night, there’s no way he can’t pitch. As his performance suggested, he’s a strong early inning guy, but will give up lots of homeruns down the stretch when you’re counting on him…