Two and a Half Grand Slam Plays

What’s up Met fans, Willie here. I have a lot to talk about today, so let’s get started. First, there’s this little issue about me predicting a sweep with much confidence, only to suffer a bad defeat on Saturday. I have no explanation for this, so I’ll just blame the sun for affecting the ability of my eight ball to make good predictions.

But Sunday night was something else. The disappointment of not going for a sweep was easily forgotten when we accomplished one of my all-star break goals in only the third game back. Of course, I’m talking about the grand slam play. I even managed to successfully put the play on twice! I’m proud of my guys for executing and of myself for my baseball instinct. Quite naturally, everything didn’t go perfectly that inning; I actually didn’t call for the homerun when David Wright was up. But the master of messing up went deep when I had actually told him I wanted half of a grand slam for my sixth inning snack but that he could have the leftover half. I don’t understand why he’s so easily confused.

So needless to say, there was much celebrating Sunday night in Chicago and Monday night in Cleveland. You may be wondering why we were celebrating in Cleveland. Let me explain. So obviously we are playing the Reds later today. And obviously both Cincinnati and Cleveland are both in Ohio. And obviously both cities have baseball teams. Now THIS is why I need a personal assistant. When our travel secretary gets sick and I have to deal with Delta myself to make travel arrangements, mistakes are made and cities that have nothing in common except for the fact that they are in the same state are confused for one another. Also, I want to put something to rest right here and now. Angel Hernandez, who I thought was out of my hair, started a rumor that I purposefully got our team lost because I wanted to pay Latoya Jenkins (the older, ugly and evil stepsister of Lola Jenkins who now resides in Cleveland) a visit. There is absolutely no truth to this whatsoever – Angel is apparently up to his old tricks, trying to dirty my image since he’s now starting to regret his marriage to the Philly Fanatic.

So anyway, after a night out in Cleveland, the team gets on a train to Cincinnati, we start moving, and I black out. Then, something very important happened. I had this long and bizarre dream. While it didn’t explicitly involve the Mets, I’m convinced there were lots signs concerning my team and how I should go about managing the rest of the season. I honestly haven’t figured out what any of these signs are yet, but I plan on unlocking these secrets since I’m convinced they’re the keys for us having a successful season. Check back soon, Mets fans, because I’m sure I’ll be able to share some extremely important and sensitive game strategies with you.