Greetings From Ohio

What’s up Mets fans, Willie here, live from Pittsburgh, Ohio. I’m glad to be here and out of the Miami heat. For all of you that think I’m talking about the weather, think again. You may not believe what I’m about to say, but I swear it’s 105% true.

I’m glad to be out of the Miami heat because I was in fact captured by the Miami heat, the basketball team, and forced to be on the “inside.” Apparently, Pat Riley thought my phenomenal managerial skills could be of some use to his team. To make a long story short: Sunday night I woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t know where I was, then I’m in conference room with Pat Riley (who offers me a yellow pill and green pill. I take both exclaiming that blue is my favorite color.), then I’m watching my team give up 16 runs under the control of an imposter Willie, and then I manage to escape by hypnotizing the big guy in charge of making sure I don’t run away.

Anyway, I’m about to go out for a night on the town. We managed to get our magic number down to 2.5, and that calls for some celebration. Also, I plan on scoping out some of Pittsburgh, just like I did when I was in Philly. I’m hoping to discover some useful things. For example: what is Xavier Nady is up to? (probably teaching at Xavier University.) Do the toilets flush backwards here? (Up instead of down? I sure hope not.) Why did Pittsburgh decide to hold the all star break over three random days in July and not this weekend when my team came to town? (the Gregorian calendar, most likely) This is my last day off until Tuesday, so I’m going to make good use of it!