Angel (Nemesis) of Mine

What’s up Mets fans, Willie here again as I’m on my way to the Snowshine State, Colorado. I’m pleased with our recent performance during the home stand, but am again disappointed with the unprofessional behavior of a certain umpire, namely Angel Hernandez.

You may be wondering what on Earth he could have done, but as I’ve said before, you can always expect Angel to try to mess with me. Although his antics didn’t cost us the game today, he still managed to do something to mess up my team by indirectly undermining me. Let me explain.

In the third inning today, David Wright hit a bouncer down the third base line that was, from my spectacular viewpoint of the dugout floor (somebody had dropped a coupon for a free Subway sandwich), clearly foul. It’s at this point, being extremely delighted that I have a free sandwich coming later, decided to rest my eyes for a few minutes. And I actually mean a few minutes, because I woke up exactly seven minutes later. But at this point I’m stunned, because I see the umpires talking with each other. Then David is given first base. I asked my trusty batman, Endy, what was going on and he told me that Angel had just bullied Randy Marsh into changing his call.

At this point you’re probably very confused and don’t see why I’m talking about this. Well, here’s why: Angel apparently reads this blog in an attempt to be super awesomely fantasticcool like me, and he also is aware of my, shall we say, low regard for David Wright. So, in yet another attempt to take me down, he’s decided that he is going to award as many hits to David as possible to make it seem like he’s a good ballplayer and I need to give him more credit. Let me tell you something. David will never get enough credit from me until he learns to properly detail my car, memorizes the way to Denny’s, and quits messing up when relaying signs. So as you see, Angel is trying to undermine me by taking David’s side, and I just won’t have it.

Also, I’ve heard that Kaz Matsui has apparently abandoned his cheesesteak/hotel venture and is making a spectacular comeback with the Rockies. Because of this, I’m going to be in touch with Omar very soon demanding that he does whatever it takes to make Kaz our everyday third baseman. The price will be high, but well worth it.

Finally, I wanted to end with something that many of you may have forgotten already. I’m talking about a play Jose Valentin made at second base on Saturday night. In case you forgot about it or missed it, Jose perfectly executed a play I’ve been working with him on for a long time. Basically, with a runner on first, you field the ball, wind up as hard as you can and start the throwing motion to first, then do a 180 and fire it to second even though you’re only 10 feet away. Jose executed it wonderfully, and I am so proud of him. It’s one of the most beautiful plays in baseball, and I just happened to be the one who invented it. Things like this remind me of what a genius I am.

Geniuses don’t lose at Coors Field. I’m calling it now: a sweep of Rockies.