I'm In a Jam, and Too Bad It's Not Strawberry

What’s up Met fans, Willie here. I’m on my way home after a 4-1-1 road trip. I’m really glad we managed to get four points from our series with the Marlins. After a little drama, we split the first two games and then managed to salvage a tie in the rubber game. I can only guess the game ended in a tie as the score was 1-1 when I fell asleep.

So normally I would not be happy with this result, but given our current bullpen situation, I am quiet pleased. The situation consists of two parts.

First, Billy Wagner is mad at me because I recently beat him at a game of scrabble to take the title of best scrabble player in the clubhouse. He insists that he will continue to blow games until I accept his challenge to a rematch. The problem is that I can’t accept his challenge because I pretty much exhausted my entire vocabulary in that one game and don’t want to look stupid by using the same set of words again. I’m in a bit of tough spot here and don’t know exactly what to do, so for now I’ve logically decided to continue to send Billy out there until I come up with a plan.

The second situation is of course Duaner. It’s a shame what happened. I’m sure you all have heard about the taxi accident, but let me tell you what really happened and who’s to blame (it’s surprisingly not David Wright). So it’s our first night in Florida and me and some of the boys hop on an evening booze cruise (I was trying to do things to help my team win as suggested in my dream). Duaner was running a little late because he was at the hotel unpacking my suitcase for me, but decided he still wanted to join us. So he gets on a water taxi and is on his way. All is good, right? Wrong. Turns out Xavier was lying to me when he said he was going to spend the night having a nice dinner with some family at the local Miami Subway. (Remember Mets fans, Eat Fresh. Eat Classy.) Instead, he apparently decided to “borrow” a speed boat that was sitting at the dock with keys in it for the evening. Unfortunately, Xavier does not understand how boats, rubber duckies, ice cubes, anchors or other floating things work. So Duaner thinks he minutes away from a Booze cruise when all of a sudden his water taxi has to swerve to avoid Xavier, and boom! Duaner’s shoulder hits the side of the boat. I think you all now understand why Xavier was traded. The deal made perfect sense, although my trade to get Harold from ESPN was far more perfect.

Ok Mets fans, that’s all for now. I have to come up with a plan of action to stop Chase Utley’s streak. I’m currently wrestling my “conscience” and considering the use of the appendectomyball…