WillieTime, All the Time, and Now Better Than Ever! (For a Limited Time Only)

What’s up Mets fans, Willie here, back in New York after a decent little road trip. I’m in a spectacular mood right now for quite a few reasons. Let me enumerate:

1. There’s no place like home. Once David dropped me off at my house, I was immediately able to enjoy the comforts only available when inside my plush New Jersey mansion. For example, the huge self-portrait that greets me in the entrance way – very comforting. In the kitchen, there are at least five different types of Subway sandwiches – comfort food. There are lots of other great things about my house, but I’m not one to brag.

2. We won the series in Houston. Our two victories were solid wins in tight situations, and there’s something to be said for that. For those of you who immediately thought I was responsible for Beltran’s amazing catch Saturday night, you’re actually mistaken. My ESP wasn’t quite working that night, so I wasn’t able to help Beltran out by giving him a heads up. I don’t know how he got to that ball, but I’ll be honest (as I always am) and not take credit for it.

3. Finally, the last reason I’m so pleased right now is related to the fact that we won on Saturday and the Phillies lost. As you loyal fans are probably aware, our magic number is now 12. Also, as I’m very certain you know, my uniform number is 12. As I previously explained, this has huge implications. We lost today, and you’re probably wondering how we could lose when I had the ability to do whatever I want. Well, here’s the answer: as long as we keep losing and the Phillies keep winning, our magic number will continue to match my uniform number. This means that I’ll have multiple days of being able to do super things! I know you may think this is a little selfish, but really, don’t I deserve it? How many great things have I done since back in the day when the magic number was 162? You may wonder how I plan on making sure the Phillies keep winning. I’m not worried about this part, as my gut is telling my Ryan Howard will hit his 89^th homerun in their upcoming series.

So don’t be discouraged, the Braves are probably going sweep us, but it’s three more days of WillieTime at a whole another level. And everybody enjoys WillieTime the way it is, so hold on to your hats. By the way, I used my special ability to have my pitchers only give up one hit today. I’m not sure what I’m going to use it for the next three days, but I’m sure it will be amazing. Will Valentin throw a no-hitter from second base? Endy Chavez from Center? How about 7 Grand Slam plays? In the same inning? The possibilities are endless…