Lost in Translation

What’s up Mets fans, Willie here while currently losing to the Rockies. Yeah, that’s right, I’m so bored with Oliver Perez’s poor outing that I’ve handed over the managing job to Jose Valentin for the rest of the night. I figure I’ll spend the rest game dictating this post to Rick Peterson who will relay it over the bullpen phone to Darren Oliver – who apparently has a laptop and the know-how to crack unsecured wireless networks.

Speaking of Darren…for all of you who were wondering why Darren Oliver couldn’t come in for Oliver Perez in the fourth (after all, Oliver Perez had thrown some 238 pitches), it’s not because he was busy with his laptop and writing down this post. It actually has to with a little known rule that says a relief pitcher cannot come in for a starting pitcher whose first name matches the last name of the relief pitcher. Or so Ron Darling, the Mets official scorer, tells me.

On another note, David Wright is finally making a case to earn my respect. At least a little of it. For example, yesterday morning he drove me to the Denver Denny’s without me asking. And he didn’t get lost. I know, right? That’s what I call stepping up your game.

And finally, let me express my relief that Kaz Matsui did not do anything to hurt us this series. At first I was worried. I mean, after all of his past antics, how could I not be? And on top of that, he steals two bases in the first five innings we see him. The only thing he ever stole under my managing was my half eaten classic tuna sub. Multiple times. I’d always hide it, but he would somehow find it.

Okay, Mets fans, Darren Oliver has come into the game. This means Mota will being doing the rest of the writing, and I accordingly need to have Julio Franco go down to the bullpen to have him translate it to Pedro Feliciano who will dictate it do Guillermo. The things I go through to bring this blog to you. Now that you appreciate me a bit more, I’ll apologize for what looks like my big mouth predicting a sweep ruining things again…