Willie's World

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Bye Bye Hollywood, Hello Phoenixwood

What's up Met fans, Willie here, back again after a nice little series victory against those dafty Dodgers. Alay Soler had a great game for us Monday, but Pedro and Tommy seemed starstruck by all the A-list celebrities at the game (like Richard Lewis and Mary Hart.) Our offense broke out today and overcame a bad outing by Tommy, so we're okay. Our stud Jose Valentin had a bad game yesterday, making two errors in one inning, but that's no biggie. Like I told him after the game, "Jose, don't worry if you play like crap every other game. You're so damn good in the other games that it makes up for the occasional two error inning. I'm even willing to tolerate four or five errors an inning from you if it means getting you out there every day." My talk obviously pumped him up; today's performance by him speaks for itself.

On the flight out to L.A. after the Giants game, I watched a show called "Entourage". (Pedro Feliciano bought it for me as a gift. He buys me things every day. I'm not sure why, but I think he may have a crush on me.) The show was actually not bad, and as I was walking down Rodeo Drive later that day with Paul Lo Duca, Cliff Floyd and David Wright, I realized that me and the guys were just like Vince, Eric, Johnny Drama and Turtle! I, of course, being the best-looking and the leader, am Vince. Paul Lo Duca is Eric, especially because of the similarities in their accents, their diminutive statures, and their tendency to annoy people just by being in the room. Dukie even has a ridiculously hot girlfriend who really shouldn't be giving him the time of day, just like E. So I've decided to call Lo Duca "P" from now on. Cliffy Baseball is of course Johnny Drama. He is so wacky and zany. Did you see the hilarious way he twisted his ankle in yesterday's game? And all season, he's been cracking me up with the ways he manages to get himself out. (Although he hasn't been too funny lately.) The difference between them is that I don't know if Cliffy would get a stiffy from hugging Brooke Shields, but other than that, they're identical. And last and least, David Wright is Turtle. I've long employed him as my personal driver, and he often comes up with idiotic plans, which he and Floyd attempt to enact but hilariously fail at. (David is a little too young to grow Turtle's trademark facial hair though, but that'll come in time.)

I received many e-mails asking what I said to Lastings Milledge after his high-fives up right field at Shea after his first homerun. The truth of the matter is I missed the whole thing (no, I wasn't napping again, I was just resting my eyes). What actually happened was after the game, Milledge came up to me and asked if he could have his gold chain back. Well since as you guys all know, I pawned it to pay for an extravagant night at the Carousel Club, I couldn't really give it back to him. So I told him about a boat I own which I don't like and that I'd love to show him. He must have misunderstood because he began to apologize for showboating, which allowed me to slyly get around his request for his expensive jewlery back.

On the tattletale mystery front, I approached Pedro after Tuesday's game for an update, but he had no names for me. Nevertheless, told me that he "had done everything he had to do in order to get a suspect" and that in his mind "he had given me a suspect whether I thought so or not". His response puzzled me, but then again, Pedro is Pedro. I'll keep working on him.

Okay Met fans, after a good series in LA, we head to Arizona to start a series against the Diamondbacks. Let's go Mets!


  • At 11:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "P" is actually married to the babe. They have a child with an over the top Italian name...can't remember.

    Anyway, funny stuff, keep it up.

  • At 12:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Great Willie, what are your thoughts on Billy Goat Wagner complaining about warming up but never getting into the game?

  • At 1:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This is one of the funniest blogs I've ever read. Good stuff. I hope the person behind this comes foward so I can congratulate them.

  • At 10:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    don't tell us you are going to give a start to Pedro Feliciano just because he is buying you gifts. David Wright is still the best 3B on the team, although i give you that Feliciano is mighty close.

  • At 10:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    any thoughts about making the idea of Valentin pitching from his second base position a reality?

  • At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Willie, have you seen www.lastingsmilledgefacts.com

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