We're On a Roll

Hey Mets fans. Sorry about the lack of updates over the last couple of days. We've been kicking some serious ass lately, and all-night post-game celebrations have left me quite hung over. Last night, I went clubbing with Jorge Julio. That guy really drank me under the table.

Speaking of last night, what a victory. At first, I thought it was our heart and determination that propelled us to pull that one out. That is until I saw this image of Keith and Gary. When I asked Dennis the batboy about their strange apparel, he explained that they were wearing "rally caps," meant to will our team to score runs. I was struck by the brilliance of such an idea. Not long after Keith and Gary donned their rally caps, David crushed his game-winning double. Coincidence? I think not. Just like I forbid facial hair last season, I am about to make another uniform change which will impact this team in a big way. From now on, rally caps must be worn by all team members, including myself, whenever we are trailing in late innings. Expect the wins to continue piling up, because I don't think anyone will be able to stop us now that the magic of the rally cap is on our side.

We were fortunate to grab another win today, and the rally caps were unnecessary since we had established a lead late in the game. Many people are wondering what exactly happened to Zambrano on the mound today. Well, thanks to this blog, Mets fans, I am about to tell you. While pitching to Andruw Jones, he felt some slight discomfort, so I trotted out to the mound to find out if he was alright. He assured me that he was fine, and he proceeded to strike out Jones on a filthy pitch. Then he immediately jets off the mound and into the clubhouse. Needless to say, I was befuddled. After I put Oliver in, I went to check on him. It turns out he ate some White Castle before the game. I think you guys know how much of a bad idea that was. Those things slide right out of you. He had no choice but to run off the mound. When nature calls, you gotta answer. Thankfully, his stomach problem is gone. Unfortunately, in his rush to the bathroom, he hit his right elbow on the bathroom door. It looks like he's gonna be out for a while. That's why I always tell my players, "Eat Subway, and eat fresh." If he had only listened, maybe we wouldn't have lost our best pitcher.

I also would like to give credit to Carlos Beltran. He's playing exceptionally well right now, and he's really helping this ballclub. If this picture is any indication, then he is definitely back to 100%. Either that, or he's been selling some Johnny Cakes on the side, if you know what I mean. Not that there's anything wrong with that. That picture is from People Magazine's 100 Most Beautiful People Issue. Now, I'm happy for Carlos, but the folks at People have really rubbed me the wrong way. After thumbing through the latest issue, I was appalled to find that there was no mention of yours truly. Everyone knows I'm the best looking man in sports. Only Jose Valentin comes close to rivaling my rugged good looks. You know, most people tell me I resemble a better looking version of Denzel. I've had it with People. I'm canceling my subscription ASAP.

In other news, Omar informed me that tomorrow will be Lima Time. So this is a friendly reminder to set your clocks back one hour to coincide with our friends in Peru. That means an extra hour of sleep. We really need it after that marathon game last night. Our guys should be well rested for tomorrow's game. I still haven't figured out who's pitching though. Maybe Julio can go for 5 or 6. I'm really starting to like that guy. Alright fans, I'm off to get some shut-eye. Let's go for the sweep tomorrow!